I've been having issues with the "Guardian" fight scene for the past few days, which apparently translates to writing a random daredevilkink fill. *hands*

(I think I have finally found the problem, btw. The fix will involve going back to the point where I took a wrong turn and ripping out everything that follows, which is annoying, but the results will be worth it.)

But anyway, fic!

Summary: Karen thinks her phone is lost or stolen. It turns out her bosses simply borrowed it... which may not actually be an improvement. (1,850 words)

Note: This fic was written in response to the following kinkmeme prompt: Foggy finds Karen's secret stash of photos. He meant to get an address from her phone, but found... Selfies with Matt. Pictures of Foggy sleeping and drooling. Matt cleaning his ear, and then sniffing it. A dead pigeon (wtf, karen?!). Food. Coffee. Cat photos.

Matt: Oh, please don't tell me she still has that embarrassing photo of me from the Christmas party.
Foggy: Huh... yes...
Matt: Nooooooooo...

My fill is a little sideways to the prompt in that it's from Karen's POV instead of Foggy's, but as someone who ACTUALLY HAS pictures of dead pigeons on my phone, I couldn't resist. :D

A Moral Decision in One Eighth of a Second (AO3) / A Moral Decision in One Eighth of a Second (kinkmeme)

Please read it on AO3; I've made some minor touch-ups.

ETA: Now with a 450-word explanation for the dead pigeons!

(The dead pigeon description is based on one of my actual dead pigeon photos. Karen's motivations are her own.)

Summary: Wherein the beta kids have an agreement to form a sedoretu once they're old enough, as told in a series of standalone pesterlogs. Part 3 - Interludes. (3,800 words)

Note: This chapter took me forever and a day (aka, two years and three months) to write. I freely admit I am a terribly slow and inconsistent author. Sorry about that. This chapter is also not what I intended to write, but I felt weird writing a scene that was specifically about the beta and alpha kids meeting when they hadn't yet done so in canon, so I did some transitional scenes for the beta kids and a bit of introductory background stuff for the alphas.

If you're confused about the alpha kids' moieties and why they don't match the beta kids, that is partially intentional and the complete reasons will probably get explained in chapter 4, whenever I get around to writing that. But if the confusion is too great, please tell me and I'll see what I can do to slip some justifications into the text of this chapter.

(The previous two chapters are available here on AO3.)

[ETA: The slightly revised final version of this chapter is now also up on AO3! Yay!]

( Four by Four 03: Interludes )

I've had Dave and Rose's chatlog done for ages, and Jade and John's done for nearly six months, but two-thirds of Jane and Jake's and the entirety of Roxy and Dirk's chatlogs were only written tonight, so I haven't had much chance to check them for coherence and such. If you have any suggestions or questions, please tell me! I would like to make sure I am getting my points across and keeping the characters in-character... or at least as in-character as possible, given the AU sedoretu gimmick.

It is once again random kinkmeme promptfic time!

The stream of everything that runs away: In Dave's defense, he really, truly, honest to god, cross my heart, do I look like a liar to you, thought Jade and Rose had locked the super-fancy teleportalizicator console already -- set it to track baby alterna-Rose and her cat and nothing else -- and so it wouldn't matter if he twirled the dials and pushed the levers and sat on the big fuckoff green button. Especially since he wasn't anywhere near the zappy ray bits.

Apparently accidental time travel is still a thing. Alpha!Dave and kid!Dirk, gen and feels. (2,700 words)

Notes: "The stream of everything that runs away" may or may not be an official part of my Alpha Timeline Fluff series. It uses that as background, but I'm not sure how it would affect other series events, so for now it exists in a sort of quantum bubble. The title is a line from Robert Frost's poem "West-Running Brook".

[ETA: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3! And I have decided that it is a full part of the Alpha Timeline Fluff series after all.]

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The prompt in question, courtesy of askerian: alpha Dave somehow ends up 400 years into the future with kid!Dirk. (like, he doesn’t die and escapes into the medium and then falls out? condie throws him and rose in a bigger version of dirk’s headless microwave thing to keep them out of the way? what? i don’t even care which)

i just have this image in my head of this classy motherfucker in button-up shirt and waistcoat, sitting on one of the lowest metal struts over the water with his feet bare and his suit pants legs rolled up as kid!Dirk shows him Very Srsly how to fish.

awkwardness and sparring and tender feelings as they learn to know each other plz.

And hey, happy stupidly early birthday, Asuka! (I know I am a month off-target, but given my longstanding time-management issues, I figure this is close enough. Also, it was a really good prompt. *wry*)

It is once again random kinkmeme fill time!

Prompt: Rose and Dave use their twin powers for evil, by which I mean they go clubbing and cooperatively seduce older men, by which I mean they take Dad home and ride him. Bonus points for unfairly hot dancing and a really confused and turned-on Dad.

(I would like for Dad to be significantly older than Dave and Rose, but I would also like for them to be legal, so maybe 50-ish and early twenties? Filler do what you want, idk)

I didn't get to the actual sex, but I did get the dancing, the seduction, and some dirty talk, and it's always possible I'll manage a part two to show what happens once Dave and Rose get Mr. Egbert into their apartment. In the meantime, please enjoy...

Dance With Another (kinkmeme) / Dance With Another (AO3): Dave and Rose cooperatively seduce older people for no-strings threesomes. Mr. Egbert has no idea what's about to hit him. (2,775 words)

I am having ISSUES with my NFE fic, so it is random kinkmeme fill time again! Fair warning: the following fic contains no kink whatsoever, unless you count fluff and family feels as kink.

It does, however, contain terrible childhood experiments in baking. Which are largely based on my own terrible childhood adventures in baking, before I knew that recipes were a thing. I really did hide my screwups in my sock drawer, but lacking a magical teleporting cat, I had to feed mine to my dog... and occasionally to my little sister. *is totally unrepentant* (Also, I was ten years old, not seven. I am not sure how I made it to ten without realizing what my mom's cookbooks and recipe box were for, but I can be amazingly oblivious at times.)

Recipe for Success: (AO3 version) 2,400 words. Prompt: I just want a nice feel good Jane fic about her first attempts at baking. Like how her dad taught her that sort of thing and them being happy and familial.

The Homestuck sedoretu AU returns! (Six months late. *headdesk*)

Part 1, wherein the beta kids talk online on Jade's thirteenth birthday, can be found here on the old kinkmeme or in a revised and expanded form here on AO3.

This is Part 2, wherein the kids attempt to explain moiety to the trolls mid-game. That goes about as smoothly as you'd expect.

This section starts as a version of the memo on page 4690, with slight alterations to take into account the kids' understanding that they will make a sedoretu when they're older. I followed the original text pretty closely at first, but the the conversation derailed progressively further from canon over the course of the chapter.

Sorry it took me so long to write this!

Four by Four, part 2 (~6,000 words)

Thank you to vehrec who reminded me that the trolls' moieties (or lack thereof) would be a concern for the kids. That made the fic longer, but I think it's better for the inclusion of that issue.

In response to the following kinkmeme prompt: What do you do with your own cadaver? I mean, John and Jade may have God-Tier'd, but their dead bodies are still lying there on the Quest Beds. Rose is impaled somewhere on the battlefield, and there those dead Daves all over the place.

You can't just leave your own corpse lying around for three years. It's morbid, not to mention unsanitary. But what do you do? Hurl them into the lava, maybe. Or bury them! But can you hold a funeral for people who have come back to life? Should you?

It's a hell of a thing to deal with when you're thirteen.

So I would like to see it being dealt with, please!


Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included) [kinkmeme version] / Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included) [AO3 version] / Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included) [ff.net version]: 7,600 words, gen (with hints of Jade/Davesprite if you want to see them, I guess?)

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And now, to work!

And once again I am filling random kinkmeme prompts instead of working on my WIPs. *headdesk* I wrote this last night and then spent about an hour this evening editing it so it made more sense and the voices sounded more IC.

Prompt: Any M/F human pairing, proposal, with the catch being that the woman of the two is the one that proposes. Maybe it's a leap year, maybe the girl just got tired of waiting for their man to summon up the cajones to ask the question, but she ends up being the one to do it. The guy is completely flustered of course, he thinks he should be the one who's down on one knee and it's all very silly and romantic :3

In response I wrote about 2,000-ish words of Jade/Dave. Probably more silly than romantic, and with the usual caveat that I cannot write freaking anything without random background world-building sneaking in. Also they talk about sex a little. :-)

Ass O'Clock in Dusseldorf (kinkmeme version) / Ass O'Clock in Dusseldorf (AO3 version)

I was planning to use my day off to work on my NBB. Apparently my inspiration disagrees with me. O_o Anyway, have another Homestuck kinkmeme fill!

Prompt: This isn't my prompt, but I need more of it, so I'm stealing it. Original from an anon hhnnngg: For a change I'd like to see how it's Karkat the one who's a cuddle monster. Now that he's got a moirail, it would be nice to see him become addicted to close contact.

Like, maybe it's always been there and just now can be shown, maybe it's something that just happens because Gamzee is the touchy feeling troll person he is, but Karkat really, really likes being very near to him. As in, climb-on-him-like-a-cat sort of close. In public he's still his usual crabby self, but as soon as they are alone he'll start first pressing against him, then leaning and then rubbing his head against his side until Gamzee catches the hint and puts an arm around him, and practically melting into a pool of happy goo when he's stroked.

I think my fill is more diagonal to the prompt than a straight response, but still. There are cuddles! Also spoilers through the most recent Act 6 Intermission 2 updates, but nothing too drastic. Karkat<>Gamzee. (1,600 words)

Wherein Two Moirails Make the Best of a Stolen Afternoon (kinkmeme version) / Wherein Two Moirails Make the Best of a Stolen Afternoon (AO3 version)

homesmut is going to be the death of me, I swear. But! Tonight I am trying a new strategy. Every time I finish a scene of my Narnia Big Bang fic, I am allowed to work on Homestuck fic for half an hour. Then it's back to the NBB. (And also packing for my mini-trip to NJ tomorrow night, but that goes without saying.)

*crosses fingers*

Anyway! Here is a thing I wrote last night but forgot to point to. It is theoretically part one of a chaptered story, but each scene is designed to work as a standalone fic if necessary. They are linked more by being about the same people within the same conceptual AU than by any semblance of plot or character arc.

The prompt is as follows: Basically a Sedoretu is a type of poly-marriage from Ursula K LeGuin's stories. Everyone is split into two groups (or moieties), the Morning moiety and the Evening moiety. Children belong to the moiety of their mother and you CANNOT sleep with someone that belongs to the same moiety as you. (I'd like to see this rule upheld in the fill, pretty please?) A marriage happens when a man and woman from the Morning moiety marry a man and women from the Evening moiety. They would each be expected to form a sexual relationship with the couple from the other moiety, but not with the partner from their own.

Sooo let's say that Morning/Evening were Prospit/Derse instead? A Beta Kid Sedoretu would have John/Rose, John/Dave, Jade/Rose, and Jade/Dave, with John-Jade and Rose-Dave being in a close, but nonsexual relationship.

...

This is exactly the sort of thing my worldbuilding obsession latches on to. I have so many ideas for this AU, you don't even know. But I am trying to channel them into story scenes instead of historical and sociological essays, so.

Four by Four: John, Jade, Rose and Dave meet in a chat room on Jade's thirteenth birthday to talk about nothing in particular. Sedoretu AU, no spoilers for once! (1,400 words)

[ETA: You can now read the revised and expanded final version of this chapter on AO3!]